The Gerber Baby Conversation

Wolf, Bowman Shibe
ok guys what would you do
if president obama walked up to you
and said
Attention parents and grandparents of young children. Gerber Life® is accepting applications for their affordable grow up plan! The grow up plan gives your child $10,000 dollars in whole life insurance protection now, and doubles automatically to $20,000 dollars later, at no extra cost! Free information will be sent to parents and grandparents who call now! Don’t wait, help give your child a head-start, for just pennies a day! Don’t wait, call now for free information. Call 1-800-829-8866. Call now!

hand him a cheeseburger

what would you do if your friend started really insistently pathologically lying about being the Gerber Baby
and they brought it up at inappropriate times

whats an example of an innapropriate time to bring up thr gerber baby

Wolf, Bowman Shibe

ok this is a good answer
i have to assume we are in the courtroom for reasons that do not involve the gerber baby

Wolf, Bowman Shibe
sexual assault


they go up on the stand and mention that they were the gerber baby like that gives them more credibility

the jury nods and the lawyer throws up in his mouth a little
i am blowing smoke out my ears
my friend suddenly stops talking
do you guys see that
on the ground there
he goes aeoumd the witness stand and crouches on the ground
hes picking up pennies
did you guys know, that for just pennies a day, you could invest in the gerber life grow up plan
the crowd cheers
i have thought of of like 5 different ways to continue this and all of them have been horribly insensitive someone else take the reigns

I think we wrote ourselves into a corner with this hypothetical

we have a financing plan for babies and a sexual assault victim this can go very few ways and they are not good

you are visiting your other friend in the hospital because she has a terrible immune system because she only eats gerber puffs then gerber baby guy leans back on his chair into existence

are gerber puffs a real thing
are they like cheese puffs for babies
or like
baby vape


he is smoking on his pipe
hey, these medical costs must be killer
you could put much less than this, just pennies a day, into thr gerber life grow up plan
it would accrue up to 10,000, and then double to 20,000
i would know
the gerber baby cuts my hair
his hair is a marvelous pompadour
wow is that true?
the doctor enters the room
he is muffled through the glass

"you know I'm actually the gerber baby"
(hands him baby food) "prove it"
(friend starts sweating profusely)

how are you in there, he shouts
this is a high priority quarantine area
she has the weakest immune system ive ever seen
(like a baby)
your friend pats the doctor on the shoulder from behind
frightening him
how did you-
there is a painting on the wall
it is him
in all his two tone blue glory
yknow the founder of this hospital was a baby
a mr Ber if im not mistaken
Ger Ber
the painting has a mustache, and the baby is wearing a suit
you seem like a family man doc
you got any kids?
grandkids maybe?
are they young?
the doctor is quaking
the temperature is rapidly fluctuating by a few degrees
the doctor is suddenly drenched in sweat, so suddenly that some of the droplets are launched off of him and fly a few feet
ive heard about this thing
this plan
theyre accepting applications
this plan would give your kid 10,000 dollars doc
the doctors eyes are rolling around, unfocused and uncontrollable
it doubles automatically to 20,000
o-oh mmy God, the doctor manages to stammer out
the walls are blue
he takes the doctors hand in his
dont wait
give your child a head start
for just
a day
in his open palm are a small quantity of pennies
in a small pool of the doctors sweat
the doctor
is gone

what is going on here

there is a phone somewhere, dialing
where is it coming from
its ringing
inside of your head
you are given free information
your ill friend
is a baby
you are a baby
the end

the baby is you


gerber baby eldritch horror